


Bare Jaffa

by NellieOleson



Category: Stargate SG-1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 00:19:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2088537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NellieOleson/pseuds/NellieOleson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because surely there exists, somewhere in the universe, a nudist colony full of Jaffa, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bare Jaffa

**Author's Note:**

> mrspollifax has a list of cracky titles generated by some form of magic. And she wants someone to write a story for all of them...
> 
> Also, this is actually kind of a gen fic. It's just that I can't really keep Sam/Jack out of anything I write.

The Jaffa camp was a long hike from the gate, and Jack was feeling grumpy well before it came into view. The throng of naked men waiting for them didn’t do anything to help his mood.

“Ack! Carter. Cover your eyes.” Teal’c hadn’t mentioned that the Jaffa they were looking for wouldn’t be wearing clothing. It seemed like an important detail.

Carter didn’t even have the decency to look in his direction when she spoke. “What? No way.” One of the Jaffa standing guard over the camp caught her eye, and she smiled at him instead. “This is my new favorite meet and greet, sir.”

Oy. Jack didn’t consider himself a prude, and he’d taken enough military showers that being around naked men had lost its weirdness factor. It was just that there were so many of them. And they were all so Jaffa-esque. And Carter kept staring at them. “Teal’c. What the hell is this?”

Teal’c considered the question for a moment. “I believe you would call it a nudist colony.”

Jack was wondering where Teal’c had learned about nudist colonies when Teal’c started taking off his clothes.

“Hey!” Jack snatched his pants off the ground. “Put these back on.”

Teal’c gave him the look and pulled off a sock. “You have seen me naked many times, O’Neill.”

That was true. Military showers and what not. He decided it was probably Daniel who had introduced Teal’c to nudist culture. “Yeah, well. Carter hasn’t.”

“Major Carter has also seen me naked,” said Teal’c. Carter just shrugged. He’d question her later. As far as he knew, she wasn’t showering with Teal’c.

Jack gave up. If Teal’c wanted to be naked, so be it. It was a bit hot on the planet. Muggy, even. “Are you sure you have to be naked to talk to them?”

“Indeed. As do we all. If you wish to remain here, you must remove your clothes. Otherwise, return to the stargate. I will rejoin you after I have spoken to Ak’nal.”

Jack got the point. Teal’c was getting naked and talking to these Jaffa whether he liked it or not. Daniel dropped his gear and pulled his shirt over his head. Jack was starting to feel out numbered.

“What about Carter? I don’t see any other women.” It was a last ditch effort to keep his underwear. Maybe women weren’t allowed, and he’d have to escort her back to the gate. For her own safety, of course.

“This place is for warriors,” said Teal’c. “Among the Jaffa, female warriors are rare. There have been but a few. However, since Major Carter is a warrior of the Tau’ri, she would be most welcome here.”

The smug look Carter had been wearing disappeared. She was used to her gender causing problems in less progressive cultures. This had probably seemed like one of the rare occasions where it would work in her favor. Jack almost felt sorry for her. “But I can keep my clothes on, right?” she asked.

“You can not.”

“Not so funny now, is it, Carter?”

“No, sir. Not funny at all.” She looked like it wasn’t funny. Like it would never, ever be funny. That didn’t stop her from unbuttoning her pants.

Oh fer- “Carter!”

Carter just put her hands out like what could she do? She was part of the team, and if the team was getting naked to talk to some weird nudist-cult Jaffa leader, well then, naked it was.

He considered ordering her to go back to the gate. She’d do it, but she’d be pissed about it. And rightly so. There might have been other solutions, but his brain wasn’t cooperating, and Carter was taking her shirt off anyway so what was the point?

It was hard not to stare at her, but all the other places his eyes landed had penises. She cocked an eyebrow at him and tossed her shirt on the ground. It was enough of a dare to get Jack moving. He took off his vest and loosened his belt. Teal’c and Daniel headed into the camp, leaving him alone with naked Carter.

Carter gave him an approving nod when he sat his boots on his neatly folded stack of clothing. Jack felt a little better about the whole situation. “Nice outfit,” she said.

“This old thing? I’ve had it forever.” That earned him a laugh, and Jack thought maybe they should get naked more often.

It was good for her sense of humor.


End file.
